Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

- Ambrose Redmoon

The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.


Friday, November 11, 2011

I don't think I can leave him.

Xavier Thomas Ross was born at 8:04 pm on Saturday, May 28th, 2011.  He was 6 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long.  He was born with a full head of blonde hair and big beautiful blue eyes.  He has Nate's nose and my mouth.  He is absolutely perfect.
I got a shower, put some clothes on and pumped for the first time.  Nothing happened.  Once I was moved to a new room, I finally got something to eat.  Of course everything was closed so I settled for crackers and peanut butter.  It was amazing!!!  I drank some milk and juice and then Nate rolled me to the ICU.  Xavier was as snug as a bug.  He had a cute little cap on and his nurse Hadley made him an adorable sign.  He looked good and the nurses were already fighting over him.  To my surprise, as soon as I was there she told me to get comfy in a rocking chair and she handed my baby to me.  I cried and laughed and spent hours with him.  My nurse for the SDU came over to get me 3 times..until she finally said I needed some sleep.  Hadley promised to call over if they needed me.  I tried to leave about 100 times.  I just didn't think that I could leave him.  Finally the SDU nurse, Jennifer, made me get in the chair and we left.  I knew he was in good hands..but I wanted him in my arms.  It was the first of many times that I would have to leave him in the hand of the CHOP staff and in Gods loving arms.

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