Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

- Ambrose Redmoon

The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Let's Start at the Beginning!!

My name is Jackie.  I am mommy to Xavier and wife to Nate.  I waited a long time to start this blog mainly because finding out about Xavier's heart was the beginning of a very fast very unpredictable roller coaster ride and things are just now beginning to slow down.  Don't get me wrong, we will never get off, but now it is becoming something that we know a lot about and something that we have made a part of our life.  

Nate and I met in July of 2005.  It was love at first sight.  I moved from PA to NJ in January of 2006.  We have been going strong ever since.  We got married on August 22, 2009 in Rhode Island.  It was perfect.  Life was good.

I got pregnant with X in September, 2010.  It was fun, except for the unbelievable morning sickness that never went away might I add.  The holidays were the best.  We got to tell everyone.  We even gave my grandmother an ultrasound picture as a Christmas gift.  Life was good.  

We were so excited to find out what we were having.  We had been calling the baby "furda".  As in this is "furda" baby.  Silly I know.  I was so ready to give my little peanut an identity.  I thought for sure that I was having a girl.  We started that appointment off with the ultrasound.  She started pointing things out to us.  The brain, lungs, legs, spine, arms, face.  Xavier was face down, so she had to really work to get some pictures.  All she said about his heart was that she was getting a good heart beat, but that she could not get a good picture.  She said that it was most likely his position.  She gave us the news that it was a boy.  I was so excited.  My heart was beating so fast.  We left the room and she said to wait for the doctor.  I can't explain it, but my heart never slowed down.  I remember thinking as we were waiting, that I might pass out it was beating so fast.  I just decided that it was because I finally knew that I was going to have a son and went on ahead sending out text messages with the good news.  

Then we saw the doctor.  She was very calm.  She just said that she could not see all the chambers of the heart.  She said it could be something.  It could be nothing.  Since he is in such a difficult position, she wanted us to go to a high risk doctor to get a 4D ultrasound done.  Something inside me knew that something was wrong.  I cried the whole way home.  It would prove to be a very trying week in our lives.  At that time I can honestly say that it was the worst week of my life.   

1 comment:

  1. You are an unbelievable family with the strength that is second to none. Xavier has a mommy and daddy with large enough hearts to cultivate his. Life is never fair, but each day we grow. You, my dear, continue to amaze me. My little french fry is a fighter and continues to strengthen every day. I love you guys. Writing is therapeutic-may this blog provide you an outlet to care for your heart. Diantha