Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

- Ambrose Redmoon

The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.


Friday, November 11, 2011

There you are!

They broke my water at 10:30 am.  I was feeling some pain but it was not unbearable.  I always knew that I would get an epidural.  NO QUESTION in my mind.  The anesthesiologist came in and explained it to me.  I didn't expect it to be so violent.  Finally it was in and at first I felt pretty good.  I did notice that one half of my body was very numb and the other not so much. I told the nurse who told the anesthesiologist,  but he didn't want to adjust the epidural because he said messing with it might make it completely unusable and he would have to put in another.  Hind sight is 20/20.  I should have asked for another.

My parents arrived around 1:00 pm.  My father came in and gave a quick hello and then hightailed it out to the waiting room and my mom joined us (myself, Nate and his mom) in my room for the long haul. Not long after Nate's dad arrived but we never did see him till X-man was born. I was feeling pressure, but really no pain.  Just some cramping in my left side (the less numb side).  I tried my best to get some sleep, but I was starving and nervous.  I spent most of the time on my phone sending update via text.

Finally around 4:00 Lilly said that it was time to push.  She walked me though what I was to do.  I kept asking if I was doing it right.  I didn't feel like anything was happening.  Labor is nothing like you see on TV.  Things go very slow.  Lilly kept telling me a slow labor is what you want.  It allows the tissue to stretch without tearing.  YES..not tearing sounded good to me.  I decided to keep a smile on my face and go with the flow.  I kept my sense of humor till about 7:00.  The epidural never did do it's job and at this point I got MAD!!!

I started to beg my cute little nurse to do something.  I turned to her at some point and said..."We both know that this is not going to happen, right?"  She just kept telling me that I could do it and that I was so close.  Nate kept saying.."I can see his head.  He has so much hair."  I had the pushing thing down.  I knew what to do.  And I was bound and determine to do it.  I was tired, hungry and I just wanted to put some pants on.  Xavier was a pro through the whole thing.  His heart rate was perfect.  Finally I knew that he was close.  I felt the "ring of fire" the Lilly told me I would.  Then about 15 people stormed the room..and I knew it was almost over.  With one last push that I conjured up from the bottom of my soul I felt him leave my body.  And in a flash he was on my chest looking at me.  All I could say was..."Hey, there you are" and the tears began.  He was pink..I mean really pink.  He was crying and pink.  He had big beautiful blue eyes and a wrinkly forehead.  He was exactly like I thought he would be.  It was like I knew him my whole life.  After Nate cut the cord they took him to the little window and he was cleaned up and the line in his belly button was stared.  He was doing really well so they let him come over and hang out with us for a few minutes.  I was a mommy.  Nate was a daddy.  Our parents were grandparents.  WE WERE BLESSED!!

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