Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

- Ambrose Redmoon


The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.

-Buddha



Friday, November 11, 2011

To the moon and back...

At about 4:00 am we woke up and went to the CICU to be with X.  I don't know how he did it, but he actually got cuter in the 2 hours that we were sleeping.  We spent the next 2 hours with him..holding him, telling him how much we loved him.  Begging him to fight.   Praying for him.


Finally the anesthesiology came in, already in her scrubs.  They put his tiny body on this big stretcher and wheeled him away.  I kissed his forehead and whispered into his ear..."I love you to the moon and back." He didn't cry as they wheeled him away, just looked around at the light whizzing  by him.  I lost it at that point.  Nate had to hold me up.  My legs refused to carry me any longer.  I just kept asking God to be with him and with me because I knew that this  was a fight I could not do on my own.  Our nurse, Jessica told us to take some time and she would come get us when Dr. Gaynor was ready to see us.  Nate took a shower.  I pumped and took some time to read my bible.  Finally she said that he was ready and tookus through the maze that is CHOP to a consult room.  Dr. Gaynor was very calm.  He went over everything, including mortality rate and risks involved.  He told us that he would take care of our little man.  I could tell by looking into his eyes that even though he does this everyday that he cared about X and that he was dedicated to giving him a long, healthy life.  With a firm handshake he walked out of the room just as gracefully as he walked in.  The nurse told us that his MRI was over and he would be moving to the OR.  She promised to call every 45 minutes to an hour with updates.  We walked onto the 6th floor bridge and I collapsed into my mothers arms.

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